Righting the Wrongs
By Ralkana

=/\= =/\= =/\=

She stared through the quarantine field at his restless form. He was gaunt and his once bronze skin was sallow, the tattoo on his brow stark against his pale flesh. She heard the movement behind her that indicated that life was still ebbing and flowing on her ship. People came and left sickbay and she watched him, only leaving when duty demanded it. The Doctor had given up on trying to get her to leave, or eat, or sleep; his two closest advocates could no longer help him. One was confined to his quarters, with a guard to protect him from himself, and the other was here, the object of her scrutiny.

Perhaps sensing her, perhaps just surfacing momentarily from the semi-conscious delirium he now inhabited, Chakotay turned his head and caught her eye. He smiled, but his eyes were glassy and unfocused.

“Kathryn,” he said. “Are all the children all right?”

Her heart broke within her yet again. How many times will we have this conversation? How much longer can this take? They had had this conversation every time he had awakened for the past three weeks. The Doctor had explained to her that the infection raging through Chakotay's body had ravaged his mind as well. It was somehow forcing him to continually re-live his first moments of consciousness after his injury. The Doctor had said that he believed death would be peaceful enough in the end; he would simply go to sleep and not wake up, but it might take weeks, or even months.

“The children are all fine, Chakotay. You saved their lives.”

“All of the children?”

“Adam is fine. He’s perfectly healthy.”

“I had to do it, Kathryn.”

“I know, Chakotay.”

“They would have killed them all. I had to do it for them, and I had to do it for Mike.”

“I know you did.”

“Forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

“I’m dying. I don’t want to leave you.”

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she hastily wiped it away. “I know. I don’t want you to leave me. But you did what you had to do.”

“I had to. He tried to save her life. He thought I loved her, and he gave his life for hers. I had to save his son’s.”

“It was very noble.”

“Not noble. Just… right. The right thing to do… I wish I could touch you.”

This time she couldn’t stop the sob that burst from her. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, trying to hold it all in.

“Oh God, I wish you could too.”

His eyes grew frightened and she steeled herself for the hardest part.

“I don’t want to die alone. I'm afraid, Kathryn.”

“Don't be afraid, my love. I’ll be here. I won’t leave you. You won’t die alone, Chakotay.”

“Will you take me home with you, Kathryn? Don’t leave me in space, please. I don’t want to be alone forever.”

“Yes, we’ll take you home. We won’t leave you.”

“We left Mike… and Seven.”

“We didn’t have room to keep them, Chakotay. Not for what might have been thirty-five years. We’re much closer to home, now. We’ll take you home.” Not close enough! her mind screamed. The Doctor had tried to convince her that it didn’t matter where they were, Chakotay wouldn’t live, but she wouldn’t believe him.

“It’s my fault they died. I shouldn’t have taken her down with us; there was no reason for her to go with us. She only wanted to spend time with me, and I didn’t know how to say no to her. I should be left out here. Punishment.”

“I won’t leave you out here alone as punishment, Chakotay, because it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. It wasn’t anybody’s fault.”

He didn’t answer, and she wondered if he’d fallen back into oblivion again. The length of the conversation varied, and the words sometimes changed slightly, but it was always the same.

“Take me home, Kathryn. A quiet spot. Somewhere where I might find peace. Finally.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“I’m tired.”

“Sleep, then.”

“What if I don’t wake up?”

“Then you’ll be at peace. And one day, when my vow has been fulfilled, I’ll join you.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace.”

“You will, Chakotay.”

“I love you.”

She couldn’t answer him, unable to force the words past her trembling lips. She had said them to him so many times, and now—when she didn’t know if it might be her last chance to do so—she couldn’t. It didn’t matter; his eyes had closed, and he was gone from her again. She watched him sleep, and time passed.

It will not end this way. I will not let it end this way.

She wasn’t sure where the resolve had come from, but it was suddenly there. She had a new vow, now. She would get her crew home, and then she would find a way to fix this. She wouldn’t let Seven and Michael Ayala die in the arms of their spouses after being mortally wounded on an away mission. She wouldn’t let Tuvok go mad. She wouldn’t let the deaths of so many other crewmembers occur. And she would not let Chakotay’s body and his mind slowly waste away after being attacked by a vicious biological weapon when he rescued Voyager’s children—including Adam Ayala—from the Ordari mining camps.

He had done it on his own and in an unauthorized and highly unorthodox maneuver, in an attempt to atone for Michael’s death. Well, she would go him one better. She would right the wrongs of all their deaths. And she knew exactly where she had to go to fix them all, knew exactly when she had to go to fix them all. She just wasn’t sure how she was going to do it. But she would find a way.

I will find a way.

He opened his eyes and smiled at her.

“Kathryn,” he said. “Are all the children all right?”