Master of Misdirection
By Ralkana

Disclaimer – I don’t own them; Paramount does. If I owned them, I think they’d have been much, much happier.

Comments and feedback to Ralkana47@yahoo.com would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Author's Note - This one's dedicated to Maquis Leader, for unwittingly giving me the idea during one of our many, many conversations. I told you I smelled a story in it, ML!

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Chakotay’s stomach sank as the turbolift rose. His hands were slick and he almost dropped the padd he was holding. Why me? How did I get stuck with this task? Oh right, I’m the first officer… What the hell am I supposed to tell her?

He mentally rehearsed statements in his head, rejecting each one as soon as he thought of it.

Captain… one of Tom and Harry’s pranks backfired and your entire supply of real coffee beans from the airponics bay was destroyed. No, we’d be minus an Ops officer and a chief helmsman. Captain, there was a small fire in the galley… no, then I’d be sealing Neelix’ fate. Captain, there was a freak accident in the mess hall—

His thoughts were abruptly cut off as the lift doors opened, revealing the bridge. He took a couple of deep breaths before striding out and nodding confidently at the crew on duty. He wondered if Tuvok could smell his fear, hear his heart pounding as he rang for entry at the ready room door.

Maybe I can find a way to distract her…

The doors opened, and he entered her sanctuary; his unease led to a moment of disorientation when he realized Kathryn wasn’t at her desk. He half-turned and saw that she was sitting on her sofa, sipping at a steaming mug as she worked her way through her ever-present pile of reports.

“Hello, Commander,” she said with a smile, and his eyes involuntarily widened as she poured herself another cup of coffee from the flask on the table. Take it easy, Kathryn! That’s the last non-replicated coffee you’re going to have for quite a while!

“Captain…”

“Would you like some coffee?”

“Uh… no, thanks. I think I’ll have a cup of tea instead,” he said, heading for the replicator. Tea in hand, he headed toward the upper level and sat beside her on the couch. He mentally shifted the order of the reports he had to give her, placing the one on the incident in the mess hall at the bottom of the stack. Coward!

Damn straight… the longer I can go without telling her, the better!

He started with B'Elanna’s engineering report, working his way through the ship. She listened attentively, asking questions and making notes in her own padd. Halfway through the Astrometrics report, he stopped speaking—in the middle of a sentence—and frowned at her, squinting his eyes as if he were trying to get a closer look at something.

“What?” she asked, alarmed.

Chakotay grinned suddenly, and she was even more confused.

“You’re missing a pip, Commander.”

“What?!” Her hand flew to her collar. Sure enough, there were only three pips there. “Oh God!”

They both began to look around them, trying to spot the telltale gleam of the metal. They saw it at the same time; it was resting just under the coffee table, as if hiding from them.

Whack!

They both cried out and fell back, rubbing at their foreheads.

“Damn, Kathryn! I think your head is harder than some of the uppercuts I’ve come up against in the ring!” he said, laughing and wincing as he gingerly touched his temple.

“That’s assault on a superior officer, Chakotay! I’ll have you thrown in the brig!” she said, shakily returning his laugh, slightly dazed by the blow and the nearness of his dimpled smile.

“Are you okay?” he asked, with concern touching the corners of his smile. When she nodded, he said cautiously, “I’ll just get it then. Stay there.” Holding up his hand, he watched her warily as he slowly leaned down. She laughed again and smacked him lightly on the back of his head as he bent down to get her pip.

“Hey!” he called, his voice muffled. “Now who’s guilty of assault? I’ll have you know that abuse of a subordinate officer is not looked lightly upon in Starfleet, Captain!”

Chakotay sat back up, brandishing the pip. Before he could come up with a smart remark, his gaze fell on the padd that held his reports, resting innocently on the table. His smile faded and his throat closed up as his reason for being there came rushing back to him. He still hadn’t given her the bad news.

“Chakotay? What’s wrong?”

He realized he was still holding up the pip and tried to focus his thoughts. He cleared his throat, smiling again.

“Nothing’s wrong… may I?” he asked, gesturing at her collar. She nodded with a crooked smile, tilting her head up to allow him access to her collar, and consequently, to her slim, delicate neck. He swallowed hard at the sight, his emotions swirling and raging within him. His hands were shaking slightly as he reached toward her collar, and he cursed them and hoped she didn’t notice. Trying desperately to take his mind off their physical proximity, he spoke without thinking.

“Spirits, I never imagined I’d be happy to be putting your pips on you—or any other article of clothing for that matter.”

Chakotay choked and bit back a curse when he realized what he’d said, fumbling with the pip and dropping it so that it rolled unheeded under the table again. His breath was lodged in his throat as he slowly looked up, deathly afraid of what he would see in her face, only inches from his.

Kathryn’s face was frozen into a mask of surprise, lips slightly parted and blue eyes wide with shock. Chakotay’s heart sank at the sight, and he felt his skin flush in humiliation and dismay. He wondered if maybe he could play it off as the gentle flirting they sometimes engaged in, but he knew in his heart that his tone had been serious and that she would take it that way. He began to stammer his apologies, hoping against hope that she would simply smile and forget he’d said anything.

“I’m sorry, Captain; I spoke without thinking. Please don’t… I mean… it’s not—”

To his complete bewilderment, she suddenly burst out laughing, raising her hand to her mouth as if to contain her mirth.

“I cannot believe you said that, Chakotay!”

He opened his mouth to try and apologize again, and suddenly she was kissing him. Her lips were warm and soft as her tongue slipped into his mouth to play with his. One of her small hands rested on his chest in the familiar way that he treasured, and the other slid around the back of his neck to anchor in the soft raven hair there. Chakotay moaned into her mouth and fiercely returned the kiss, all doubts and rational thought driven away by the sensation of Kathryn Janeway in his arms. Without conscious thought he leaned forward until he was nearly lying atop her, pressing her into the couch. He braced himself on one elbow to keep from crushing her, and his other hand found its way to her cheek, cupping it and stroking her soft skin.

They explored each other, hands gliding over familiar and yet unknown curves and planes and angles, bodies moving against each other as their ardor increased. Finally, growing lightheaded from desire and lack of oxygen, Chakotay tore himself away from her, panting as he gulped in air. The realization of what had just happened hit him like a phaser blast, and he rapidly sat up, straightening his uniform.

“What’s going on, Kathryn?”

She smiled, taking his hand in hers, and said, “I kissed you. You seemed to enjoy it…” When he didn’t answer, her smile faded. “You did enjoy it…?”

“Of course I did! I just don’t know why you did it!”

“Because you distracted me, or maybe it was that blow to the head,” she said with a grin, and he smiled, but it was weak. The mention of distraction rang alarm bells in his head, but he couldn’t quite figure out why, still dazed by the kiss.

“You were sitting there, smiling at me with those damn dimples, so close, rubbing your forehead, and then you made that comment, and you looked so… adorable all confused and flustered like that—you know, I rarely see you like that, you’re always so calm and composed—and I just couldn’t help myself. I can’t deny it anymore. I’m so lonely sometimes, Chakotay, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to wind up bitter and alone, while everyone around me has a life outside of duty. You loved me once, I think… I would like to find out if it’s possible for you to love me again, or have I killed that in you for good?”

Chakotay’s heart was thundering wildly in his chest, each word piercing his brain and yet at the same time, barely registering. He swallowed the lump in his throat, hoping that what he was about to ask would not mean the end of all the dreams he could see opening up before him.

“I… why me, Kathryn? Are you asking me simply because I’m here and you know that I cared for you? Am I convenient? I can’t let that… I won’t let that—”

Her face crumpled, and she pulled her hand from his, running it through her tousled hair. She looked away from him, down at the deck.

“You think… you think I’m capable of that? That I’d ask you—”

“No, I don’t… I don’t know, it’s so sudden—I have to know, Kathryn. I have to.”

“I love you,” she murmured. “I love you, Chakotay, not just because you’re nearby or convenient… I can’t remember a time that I knew you and didn’t feel this way. The loneliness and trying to keep my feelings in check… they’re wearing me down, and I didn’t know if you still… I guess I was just waiting for some sign… any sign…”

He tilted her chin up with a finger, forcing her to look into his eyes, and she was mesmerized by the mixture of love and sadness and regret that she saw in those dark pools.

“Spirits, Kathryn, why didn’t you ask me? If I’d only known—”

“I was scared.” She smiled crookedly. “Big, brave, starship captain that I am…”

He cradled his face in his hands, stroking away with his thumbs the tears that glistened in the corners of her eyes, the tears she defiantly refused to let fall.

“Don’t be. You shouldn’t have been… I love you, Kathryn, and nothing can change that. Believe me,” he said sadly, “I’ve tried… I had to; it was the only way to keep my sanity.”

“I know, and I don’t blame you; I’m not angry, and I never was. It hurt, I’ll admit that, but I couldn’t expect you to wait when I hadn’t given you anything… I just wasn’t ready.”

“Are you ready now?”

When she nodded, he leaned forward and kissed her again, a light brush of his lips on hers. When he tried to deepen it, she pulled away, sliding her hand from his shoulder down his arm, linking it with his.

“I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be, but we’re on duty… I know it’s not fair of me to say that when I’m the one who started this all, but Chakotay, we do have a ship to run, and we have to keep some standards.”

“I agree,” he said, placing a finger on her lips and laughing at her look of surprise. “You were preparing for an argument, weren’t you? Voyager comes first, and it’s not fair to our crew for us to act otherwise. No more personal business on ship’s time. Dinner tonight, and we’ll talk everything out then?”

She smiled and nodded in agreement. “Why don’t you go check on the bridge and I’ll catch up on things in here?”

When he stood, giving her hand one last squeeze, she stood as well. As he turned to go, she caught his arm.

“Chakotay… do you really think we can do this?”

The smile he gave her made her knees weak.

“Yes. We can, and it will be wonderful. It won’t be easy, Kathryn, but it will be wonderful.”

He kissed her lightly again, unable to stop himself, and headed out onto the bridge. He took a report from Tuvok, nodding in all the right places and dealing automatically with what needed to be dealt with. It was only when he was sitting in his chair staring at the stars warping by on the viewscreen that everything that had just happened hit him, and he was glad he was sitting down.

Kathryn Janeway kissed me… more than that, she loves me! And she wants a relationship, and she’s not letting protocol stand in the way of it!

He felt his face break into a huge grin and tried desperately to stifle it before anyone saw it. He was supremely glad Tuvok was behind him, though he wouldn’t put it past the Vulcan security chief to discover the grin somehow and raise a disapproving eyebrow.

And all because she lost a pip and I had to… give her… a… report… oh, Spirits…

His combadge chirped even as he dropped his head into his hand.

“Janeway to Chakotay… I think you’d better get back in here, Mister. There was something you neglected to mention in your verbal report the first time around.”